i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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