I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
