your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
