everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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