addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
