Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
