Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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