dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
