At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
