She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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