Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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