i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
