I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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