Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
