Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
