i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I didn't notice because vodka
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
