the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
