that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
