and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
