I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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