Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
wow bdsm is so cute
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
