In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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