Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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