On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
