that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
