I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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