I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
