his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
