He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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