I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
