I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
