I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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