My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
