Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
