Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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