i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How external is "for external use only"?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
