I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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