He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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