omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do vagina's smell?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
