im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
