I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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