your parents love me but you hate me
Is it because I queefed?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
