i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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