She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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