"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Still dying that you shit outside
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
