Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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