omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
