5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
