hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm at about main and main street
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's rum buckets o'clock
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
