My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
