Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
