..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
