Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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