I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
