Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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