do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
