I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
