My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
