I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
