he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My breasts were aching with rage.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Pants are for mortals
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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