I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
