he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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