apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize