Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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