Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
