One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
