the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
