Already got asked if we're dating
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize