Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
