I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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