I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
