Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
