My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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