I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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