Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
vagina is talking i cant
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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