i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
