I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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