the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize