Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize