I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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